Yet again, the holiday season is responsible for tension and social disagreement. As a personal aside, I have never been so insulted in my life! Yesterday, my co-workers decided that I am the official Bourke Accounting Scrooge in residence. Usually, Bourke workers get along like a Christmas tree a-fire, but this unwarranted designation will not stand, boy howdy. What caused this rift between formerly cordial colleagues? Did I kick a mall Santa? Did I tell a child that her Elf on the Shelf is working closely with the Illuminati to destroy the world? No, I am guilty of neither. However, I did voice my opinion on holiday newsletters.
At this very moment, there might be a holiday newsletter in your very own mailbox. Oh yes, it’s lurking in there, watching…waiting…waiting to assault you with pictures of the family you sort of remember living next door to four years ago (complete with matching outfits and impossible, face-splitting grins that paid for the orthodontist’s summer house). The well-edited pictures aren’t the most important aspect of this hellish holiday missive though, oh, no. It’s the newsletter! It’s the newsletter that will destroy any last vestige of holiday cheer you might have held in reserve.
The holiday newsletter is problematic for many reasons. Perhaps the biggest issue is that, if you are close to the featured family, you already know their news from the past year – which makes the letter a rerun. If you aren’t close, why would you care to read up on them? The holiday newsletter carries with it the egocentric assumption that you’ve been waiting, with bated breath, to know what’s going on with this family. There is an implied confidence that your season wouldn’t be completely complete without the knowledge that Lil Stevie made the honor roll – and this entitled confidence is irritating.
Another problem is that these letters are totally full of it. I once received one from an ex-friend who was going through a miserable divorce. From the letter, I realized that presentation is everything. Instead of mentioning that her husband was shacked up with a 20-year-old dancer, he was spending time to “find and learn about himself.” Her kid wasn’t failing out of school and getting familiar with law enforcement, she was “reevaluating mainstream education and going out of her comfort zone to meet new people.” The spin my ex-friend put on having her TV, along with her mother’s ashes, stolen by a Tinder date was epic…
Although we know that these letters put things in the best possible light, it doesn’t stop us from feeling envious. Just like social media can damage self-esteem, these letters can make us question our own existence. Since we’re, generally, not going on exotic trips or buying multiple high-priced items, we must be lacking in some way. Looking down at a ratty sweater covered in SpaghettiO stains, we can almost hear the letter’s chirpy, insanely self-satisfied voice condemning our life choices.
Well, I ask you all: who needs condemnation affixed to expensive stationery? Who needs to read false litanies of satisfaction? Not this one. No, never this one. Call me the Bourke Scrooge, my gentle co-workers, for it shall be a title I wear with honor as I’m throwing out my college roommate’s happy and desperate plea for attention.
Your second cousin twice removed might not care what you did this year, but your Bourke Accounting bookkeeper or tax preparer does! Even more important is that you don’t have to edit the icky stuff for your Bourke pro. Bad divorce taking you to the cleaners? Tell a Bourke expert! Had to cash out your 401(k) for an embarrassing medical procedure? Your Bourke Accounting rep is all ears and sympathy!
Come see us any time. Our number is 502-451-8773 and don’t forget to visit our website at www.bourkeaccounting.com. See you soon!
Written by Sue H.
The Bourke Accounting Book Club is back in session with JD Salinger’s Franny and Zooey keeping us company. JD is my favorite nonprolific reclusive writer of all time, so I’m digging it. Yesterday, we delved into the subtleties of literature over Panera Bread. My co-workers ate salads ladened with mysterious fruits and little-known vegetables as I left buttery fingerprints from my Classic Grilled Cheese (with extra cheese) on my book. While my co-workers argued points of dialogue, I thought about malnutrition.
When we think about malnutrition, we generally think of faraway countries and pallid Oliver Twist extras, begging in the streets for a shilling. We think of the 37 million Americans who aren’t getting enough to eat as a result of limited money and inaccessibility to food banks. At the grocery store, we don’t label a well-appointed, fit young person or a larger store clerk as people suffering from malnutrition. However, as obesity and lower-nutritional food choices become ever more rampant in this country, we’re embarking on yet another crisis.
Just like you can’t judge a book by its cover, you can’t judge a malnourished person by a waistline. If you’ll remember 8th grade health class, malnutrition means that not enough of the right foods are eaten (we had the food pyramid, but I think they use a plate graphic these days). As of right now, 85% of Americans aren’t getting the proper, FDA recommended, vitamins and minerals from food for healthy living (TheGuardian.com). In addition, vast amounts of children are suffering from “hidden hunger,” or micronutrient deficiency, which means that the foods they are eating “are calorie dense, but nutritionally poor” (TheGuardian.com). As a kid, I was told that if I didn’t finish my vegetables, I wouldn’t grow up to be big and strong – what are these kids being told?
Besides causing us to look like a Dickens’ refugee, malnutrition does incredible internal damage. By simply eating the wrong things, we are afflicted with tiredness, inability to concentrate, depression, immune system problems and, eventually, difficulty breathing and heart failure (Medicalnewstoday.com). As issues create a sicker, weaker population, it affects the US economy, as well. The productivity of malnourished workers isn’t as high as nourished ones and sick workers don’t go to work. Also, undernourished folks cost the country $157 billion per year in medical expenses (Mediaroom.com). While it won’t kill us to eat a carrot, not eating one could.
With our busy lives and bizarre new world, we want comfort. Unfortunately, this desire for comfort doesn’t end with a fluffy sweater. Research has shown that “70% of fast food meals consumed in the US are of poor nutritional value” (USNews.com). Since almost half of all Americans eat fast food every day (USNews.com), we are paying for the privilege of being poisoned. People say that eating healthy is too expensive. That’s true. A Harvard study has discovered that healthy meals cost $1.50 more a day than fast food (HSPH.Harvard.edu). But what about the hours needed to cook healthy, cheap meals at home? I Goggled cheap, healthy, fast meals and found 643,000,000 entries in .59 seconds. I think it’s possible to avoid McDonald’s, I really do.
We aren’t good for anything if we’re not good to ourselves. Our mental and physical health are being damaged by the plastic foods we’re ingesting. It’s time to put down the spork and pick up real food.
Bourke Accounting bookkeepers and tax preparers know that they can’t meet your needs with clogged arteries. Bourke Accounting pros also know that their cognitive abilities are lessened with a brain full of additives. Sit down with a Bourke Accounting expert and see how their clean living can benefit you. Also, they’re not shy about sharing their secret, healthy recipes!
Come see us any time. Our number is 502-451-8773 and don’t forget to visit our website at www.bourkeaccounting.com. See you soon!
Written by Sue H.