On July 17, I wrote a Bourke Accounting blog about Kanye West and his interesting bid for the presidency. On July 19, West held a campaign rally in South Carolina, where he unveiled equally interesting concepts. While he has more records, companies and money than most of us, West is basically a civilian with no lawmaking experience or ability. So, when West suggested that “everybody that [sic] has a baby gets a million dollars” (ABCNews.go.com), I realized that I, too, have some great ideas for the country!
Last year, the average tax refund for someone with children was around $3,000 (CNBC.com). While I realize that kids are expensive, it occurred to me that childless Americans should be given a little monetary pat on the back for not having kids. Here is my plan:
1) $3,000 – Reduced Resource Use Refund (RRUR). This refund would recognize childless people’s mitigation of their bloodline’s carbon footprint. For example, every year, 20 billion disposable diapers end up in landfills, “creating about 3.5 million tons of waste” (PRNewswire.com). Besides the waste, about 200,000 trees are used to make all of these diapers (PRNewswire.com). Since a family of five logically creates more trash and consumes more water, space and food, child-free Americans should be rewarded for having cut down their consumption of resources.
2) $2,500 – Public Nuisance Compensation (PNC). This amount would be used as remuneration for childless persons walking into elevators after giggling 7-year-olds have pressed every button. This is also to be used as acknowledgement for tantrums thrown by irritable kids at the next table during romantic dinners. For back of airplane seat kicking, see Subsection 8, Paragraph 4, Jarring and Unexpected Motion Compensation. NOTE: PNC is contingent on the behavior of the childless individual. No monies will be disbursed should the individual in question retaliate/yell/throw items. Eye-rolling and muttering will be allowable within reason (however, the use of obscenities is prohibited).
3) School Tax increase. A 5% school tax increase will be implemented to be paid by all citizens (with or without kids). Since the little ankle biters are the future of our world, they should be supplied with as many advantages as possible. This is nonnegotiable.
4) $1,500 – Impulse Buy Encouragement (IBE). It is well-known that baby-less people spend more money on stupid and expensive things. In addition, the childless spend about 75% more than their child-full counterparts on an average night on the town (statistic may have been fabricated). This money is in appreciation of childless Americans singlehandedly saving the economy by commissioning multiple oil paintings of cats/dogs/guinea pigs.
So, there you have it. Now, I’m not saying that I’m going to run for president, but with ideas like the above, I’d be the one to watch. Our country is being built on innovative ideas and good, solid social change. With me in the White House, we would definitely be guaranteed some interesting times. Vote for Sue in ’32!
You can bet that Bourke Accounting will be the most well-versed in the new tax laws when my ideas come to fruition. Until that time, Bourke Accounting experts have to content themselves with knowing all of the deductions and quickly changing regulations available now. Bourke Accounting specialists don’t miss much and are more than ready to explain tax incentives you might be eligible to receive.
Written by Sue H.