We look around our burning and confused world and ask 2020, “What’d we ever do to you?” There’s a golfer hiding in the White House basement, busily retweeting racist things (and claiming ignorant innocence later). Everyone’s killing each other. News sources are warning of a second wave when the first hasn’t even broken yet. In early May, one third of Americans reported feeling anxiety and depression (USNews.com). We are undeniably sad and lost.

Because of these terrible facts, I want to get a little weird and a little unnecessary now. If you feel like forgetting things for a minute, come along and get weirdly unnecessary with me:

1) Don’t throw money down the toilet. As you know, a lot of us are financially damaged, however, every time you sit down, you’re sitting on a goldmine! According to the CDC, nearly half a million people suffer from Clostridioides difficile infections, a bacterium that causes severe gastrointestinal distress, each year. OpenBiome is a nonprofit organization that is combatting this ailment with their cutting-edge research, fecal transplants and a little help from you (OpenBiome.org). With OpenBiome and your poop donations, you can earn up to $13,000 a year and serve the public! Not only that, but OpenBiome offers prizes to “donors who make the most donations [and] provide the biggest sample” (IFLScience.com)!

2) Let’s learn from the bonobos! Bonobo chimpanzees are cute furry guys who share more than “98 percent of our genetic profile” (ScientificAmerican.com). And bonobos do like to share: they share food, parenting responsibilities and they really share their bodies. Unlike other chimps, bonobos aren’t aggressive. For example, if food is offered to a group of bonobos, they won’t fight over it; instead, everyone participates in a lovefest and then eats dinner (ScientificAmerican.com). Every conflict that these chimps face is met with lovemaking and grooming rather than blood and teeth. Also, their orientation is fluid to the point of nonexistence – if a female is angry with another female, let’s just say the ill-will doesn’t lead to a brawl, as they’re otherwise occupied. And they’re friendly – if a strange bonobo wanders into an established group, there is no vying for dominance. I think you know how the group gets to know the stranger (ScientificAmerican.com) – bonobos are true swingers (couldn’t resist). Two last things: bonobos won’t practice their conflict resolution skills with any member too closely related to them and they like passionately kissing (ScientificAmerican.com)! So, the next time you want to fight, think: What would a bonobo do?

3) That is your shirt! Have you ever seen someone wearing a shirt that looks exactly like your lost 1972 Stones concert tee? If you lost luggage at the airport, it very well might be your shirt. Airlines keep unclaimed luggage for five days; after that, they either donate the bags or sell them to a company like The Unclaimed Baggage Center (Science.HowStuffWorks.com). Want a calf hair belt or diabetic socks? The Unclaimed Baggage Center has both in stock right now!

Knowing about bonobos won’t change our lives, but it’s good that there are still mildly weird and harmless things out there. And I could be wrong, maybe learning about unclaimed baggage will inspire our next peacemaker to bring about an era of harmony and respect.

Although our Bourke Accounting pros are strong, they need a break from harsh reality once in a while, too. So, when you’re sitting across from your Bourke Accounting bookkeeper or tax preparer, don’t hesitate to share a little-known nugget of information. While Bourke Accounting experts know a lot, they’re always interested in learning more.

Come see us any time. Our number is 502-451-8773 and don’t forget to visit our website at www.bourkeaccounting.com. See you soon!

Written by Sue H.