My Fellow Geminis: Now is the time to stand up for our rights and for our dignity. For too long we have been marginalized, insulted and abused. We are the black sheep of the astrological world and it is only because the rest of the Zodiac is jealous of us. We are beautiful, intelligent, adaptable – WE ARE THE ONLY SIGN THAT MATTERS!
I first became aware that some miscreants don’t like Geminis about 20 years ago while on a date. We shared good conversation, compatibility in interests and like mindedness in tipping (always tip too much, never too little). Walking through Washington Square Park, he asked my sign. I told him. He said, “Oooh, nooo,” shook my hand and walked away. I never heard from him again.
Recently, this wound was reopened by Bill, my fearless leader and employer at Bourke Accounting. After mentioning that I am a Gemini, Bill snorted, rolled his eyes and remarked: Well, that explains a lot. Mr. Lentini, unless you mean that explains why I am so awesome, I’m afraid that I don’t follow.
Geminis are naturally inquisitive. We want to know the full story, so don’t bother trying to placate us with subtlety or outright lies when we ask a question. We are not interested in the Safe for Grandma explanation regarding your arrest – we need to know everything. Do we, at times, ask indelicate questions? Yes, yes, we do. However, we are so charming that we will sooth any hurt feelings by the time we part.
In addition, just like we Geminis expect the truth from you lower Zodiac denizens, we will tell you the truth, too. We are capable of putting a positive spin on it (we are really good with phrasing), but you always know where you stand with a Twin. Since we are also a very passionate air sign, if you make us angry enough, we come up with very cutting, imaginative and effective insults. But don’t worry, we’ll forget that we cast dispersions upon your lineage within a half hour.
In an article designed to mistreat our people, Vice.com suggests that Geminis are “liars, cheats and thieves.” Vice.com accuses us of being flighty and two-faced with a love for “pulling a fast one” (Vice.com). Vice delights to inform us that Kanye West and that person who put his signature on our stimulus checks are both Geminis. However, dear Vice, you neglected to mention that Anne Frank, Bob Dylan, the Marquis de Sade, Prince, Marilyn Monroe and Walt Whitman are also of the wonderful world of The Gemini.
Twins, our time has come! We are as gentle as a spring breeze and as powerful as a hurricane. Let us unite and take over the universe in the name of all things Gemini! No more shall we accept the slings and arrows of our less evolved Zodiacal brethren!
Sadly, your humble narrator is the only Gemini in residence at Bourke Accounting, but please don’t hold that against your Bourke Accounting bookkeeper or tax preparer. It is not their fault that they were born under a weaker sign. No matter the astrological shortcomings our Bourke Accounting specialists are victim to, they are still the most knowledgeable and service-oriented financial geniuses in the world. The stars don’t need to align for you to receive the upmost in advice, just drop off your paperwork and allow the magic to happen.
Written by Sue H.