Although Bourke Accounting has suspended Bill’s Bourke Book Club, we still hold a weekly staff meeting (the conference table is huge, there aren’t that many of us and we seat stagger). After business is satisfied, we sit around the table and chat.
Last week, we got into the subject of relationships and I recounted my own break-up experience. I once had a significant other who told me that I was the love of his life on New Year’s Eve. By 10 AM on New Year’s Day, I was walking to the subway, alone and freshly dumped. It was a definite “It’s not you, it’s me” scenario: You deserve better, I can’t handle a relationship right now, I’ll always love you, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Two weeks later, he was dating a yoga instructor/dominatrix.
Being dumped is no fun. No matter how successful, good-looking and smart you are, as soon as your lover walks out the door for the last time, you begin to question your own worth. There is the endless cycle of “why wasn’t I good enough?” or, the always useful, “what does s/he have that I don’t?” Even Howard Hughes, who was worth something like 11 billion dollars, seemed to go further off the rails when Katharine Hepburn discarded him (Celebritynetworth.com).
Much like Elisabeth Kubler Ross’ stages of grief, there are stages of processing break-ups, too. Once the depression wears off, we have good old-fashioned anger. Sometimes it’s as benign as wishing bad things to happen to the ex. Of course, sometimes it’s as detrimental as making bad things happen to the ex. But we’re not savages here, so let’s not talk about cutting brake lines. Some of us might feel guilty for wishing ill on our former beloved. However, I believe these naughty thoughts can be forgiven. After all, when one is left, one feels rejected, embarrassed, confused and, most importantly, hurt.
For example, after our break-up, my ex called me. His girlfriend had given him mono, was responsible for him being arrested for receiving stolen property (if someone asks you to hold 17 laptops, don’t) and left him for a Planet Fitness spin class teacher. Hearing this, I felt a spark of pleasure – it was a petty and cheap pleasure. How was it possible that I could find happiness in the tragedies befalling this person I claimed to have loved?
And it was right after that that I came to another milestone in the post-dump drama: indifference. I didn’t want him back, I no longer wished him harm, I no longer wished him well. I just didn’t care. It took a while for me to get to that point, but it felt nice. I had missed him and pined for him, but I hadn’t even noticed the first day that I didn’t think of him at all.
Relationships are bizarre. I have come to believe, though, that even after the worst relationships, we are a little smarter. Whether the love affair lasted two weeks or two years, we learn something important. It could be to recognize red flags in others (or ourselves), it could be to become more sensitive. No romance is a waste of time.
No offense, but our Bourke Accounting bookkeepers and tax preparers don’t want to have a summer fling with you. However, Bourke Accounting experts are loyal and will work hard for your success. You will never have to worry about indifference regarding a Bourke Accounting pro – they’re just not made that way.
Written by Sue H.