You’re walking down a deserted street. The streetlamps above you flicker, throwing the world into stark relief before plunging you into darkness. You’re 2,000 light years from home. A shadowy figure appears in front of you. He has been waiting for you. “You got the money?” he asks, his voice confident, but his eyes wary and apprehensive. “You g-got the stuff?” you stutter, hating the hesitation. He scans the empty street and moves forward. You exchange money for the bottle in his latex-covered hand. You look up and down the street. When you turn back to him, he’s gone like cigarette smoke on a windy day. You shove the sealed bottle of Purell down your pants and hurry down the street, feeling triumphant and filthy.
Hey, this scenario could happen, you know. I mean, it sort of is happening. Here in Louisville, everyone seems to be obsessed with toilet paper. I have been asked by numerous clients if I have toilet paper at home. Um, yeah, man, I have toilet paper, do you have a mop? Are we playing an uninteresting game of Household Go Fish? I’m simply not understanding this new fixation on toilet paper. I don’t go to the grocery store (I find it boring, I hate the lighting and, since they got rid of Muzak, the grocery store is just nowhere), but people who do go tell me that toilet paper and hand sanitizer are in pretty short supply right now. All right, that’s fine. What are those leaves outside for anyway?
I sort of understand the hand sanitizer compulsion. Even before the Coronavirus, people were crazy for the stuff. You couldn’t walk into any office without seeing the cheery little bottles perched on multiple desks. Much like grocery stores, I hate hand sanitizer. Maybe I’ve been using it wrong, but it always makes me feel like I have some sort of weird film on my hands. I guess that’s The Film of Good Health and Protection, but I hate it anyway. So, even if I had it (which I don’t – don’t try mugging me for that fresh, bacteria fighting, viscous grossness), I wouldn’t be using it anyway.
Beyond hand sanitizer, what I hate even more are people who take advantage of confusion in uncertain times. I was reading an article on Theatlantic.com about this guy who realized that his fellows were going to want Purell. So, he goes to The Dollar Tree, buys up a bunch of the stuff and was selling it on Ebay.com for about $138 a pop. Good looking out, brother. Way to help the world amid a pandemic. Both Amazon and Ebay have come out recently saying that they don’t condone price gouging and won’t allow it on their platforms. I hope this is true because being a facilitator for vultures is a really bad promotional angle. When I looked for Purell on Ebay, I was told that the pages were missing, so at least Ebay was serious.
Whew! That was a lot of my opinion. Look, we don’t know when everything is going to return to our dysfunctional normal. In the meantime, don’t hoard stuff, don’t take advantage of your fellow human and just do the best you can to make it through this with a little class.
Your Bourke Accounting professionals are feeling pretty good. But. If you feel ill (no, you don’t have Corona), don’t worry if you need to reschedule your appointment. Your Bourke Accounting tax preparers and bookkeepers will rearrange their days to accommodate you and your needs. The bottom line is that you guys are the most important aspect of Bourke Accounting and we really appreciate you.
Written by Sue H.