I think I told you that Bill has involved his Bourke Accounting employees in a book club (the new book is Jen Sincero’s, “You Are a BadA*s”). Last week, at our meeting, the question was raised: Do you forgive easily? Most everyone answered that yes, in fact, they do forgive easily. There’s no point in staying angry when it doesn’t hurt anyone but yourself, we’re all mature here, let it go, let it go, let it go.
I just might be the resident rebel agent provocateur, but when the question was posed to me, I honestly replied that I do not forgive easily (if ever). Vanessa Delgado hurt my best friend 20 years ago – if she was on fire, I wouldn’t even…uh, put her out. Ermes Vallencio broke my heart 17 years ago; I’m still waiting for the chance to remove his. Bill tore apart one of my blogs so thoroughly, I was bleeding ink for a week.
Before I get to the touchy-feely optimistic part, let me just say that I don’t necessarily agree that forgiving easily is such a great thing. The longer one holds a grudge, the less likely one is to fall prey to another charlatan. We live and learn and, in my case, hold deep-seated grudges out of a strange self-preservation instinct.
But. Forgiveness is good for you. Psychology Today tells us that forgiving reduces “anger…depression and stress.” Also, if you’re a forgiving sort, you’ll suffer “fewer general health problems and lower incidences of the most serious illnesses – including heart disease.” Yeah, it’s not enough that you’re a sweeter person than me, now you’re healthier, too.
However, speaking for the grudge holders, it’s not really our fault. Johns Hopkins Medicine reveals that “studies have found that some people are just naturally more forgiving.” And wouldn’t you know it? These Pollyannas “tend to be more satisfied with their lives” than someone like yours truly. Ok, so you’re not just healthier, you’re happier, too.
Because I want to be healthy and happy, I did a little bit of research on how one can learn to forgive. From what I’ve read, it’s about as easy as learning to fly by flapping my arms a lot. Some sites told me esoteric stuff about making pals with my inner forgiving goddess. Right, yeah, I’m on it. Psychology Today actually had better advice. One of their concepts is that you should “acknowledge the growth you experienced as a result of what happened.” I have to say, every time that I’ve been hurt, I did learn something. Hard lessons are the ones that teach the most.
Another thing that Psychology Today emphasizes is the point of view of the person who hurt you. The author invites the reader to understand that “the other person was trying to have a need met.” Furthermore, the reader is asked to question what that need was and “why did the person go about it in such a hurtful way?” Like with everything else, once understanding and communication are established, it’s easier to look at the other person as an actual person and not some demonized version of someone we used to like.
I’m not going to learn how to forgive in one day. However, working with the crew at Bourke Accounting, maybe I can learn how to “let it go” a bit; they really are a forgiving group. Show up a little late for your appointment? Our Bourke Accounting professionals won’t make you stand in the corner. Made some bad investment decisions? Bourke Accounting experts won’t even say “I told you so,” they’ll just quietly get your financial life back on track. Bourke Accounting associates might just be The Saints of the P&L.
Written by Sue H.