I wanted to buy a motorcycle this year.

I had visions of being Dennis Hopper in Easy Rider – the wind in my hair, that outlaw sense of freedom, giving curt nods to people walking down the street. It was going to be awesome.

There are two reasons why I cannot buy a motorcycle this year:

1) I don’t know how to ride a motorcycle.

2) My mother won’t let me (I like her a lot, she threatened to disown me and she kind of scares me).

With that in mind, and in the spirit of sour grapes, here are some reasons you, too, should avoid purchasing a motorcycle this year:

1) Depreciation. According to Brainbucket.rumbleon.com, “a brand-new motorcycle’s value drops nearly 20 percent during the first two years of ownership and this figure doesn’t even include mileage or overall condition.” It doesn’t matter how well you have maintained your bike, that value is just going to drop, and you can’t stop it. Another thing that can affect the depreciation is the number of models that were made, Motorcyclehabit.com tells us. Lots and lots of bikes means less and less money for you if you decide to sell it.

2) Bugs. It’s a beautiful summer day, you’ve been riding for a few hours. You think a few bugs have hit you, but you are not aware of the damage, so you stop at a diner. You smile coolly at the server. The server recoils in horror. You’re an attractive person, but you have the entire entomological stratum lodged between your teeth. We’re talking wasp wings, bee legs, maybe even a butterfly proboscis or two. Is that a dragonfly stuck to your forehead? Kentucky doesn’t require helmets, but if if you’re in a state that does, then you just laid an insect cemetery of protective headwear right down where you are about to eat a grilled cheese and bacon. Gross.

3) Weather. If it’s too hot, you’re going to be a sweaty mess by the time you get to work. If it’s too cold, you could be suffering from hypothermia and frostbite during the Tuesday staff meeting. Oh, and if it rained during your morning commute? Your socks are going to squish all day. No one is going to hang out with you during breaktime because now you’re The Weird Squishy Sock Person.

Like I said, if I can’t have a bike, no one else should have one either.

However, if you are one of those people who bought a motorcycle this year, you will still be welcomed at Bourke Accounting. There is plenty of parking and I will even offer you a piece of Big Red gum to cover up that bug breath. Our Bourke Accounting experts can’t change the downward spiral of motorcycle depreciation, but they can offer advice to make up the financial difference. While I don’t condone the purchasing of motorcycles, talk to Bill about one. I have a sneaking suspicion he’s one accountant who has a leather jacket hiding behind the sweater vests.

Come see us any time. Our number is 502-451-8773 and don’t forget to visit our website at www.bourkeaccounting.com. See you soon!

Written by Sue H.